So finally m back... ages since i wrote my last blog. Recently i ran into one of my best friends.. just like other days.. v had our usual round of gossip After sometime, the conversation took a serious turn and she asked me.. "amishi, what is the most important thing in a relationship?". I thought for a while and i said, "feelings?!". She replied, "Trust.. thats the most important thing..".

I didnt understand it at that moment, but now i do. Truly, trust is the most important ingredient of every relationship. If u dont trust someone, then the relation is utterly useless bcoz suscipicion erodes every relationship. Marriages break bcoz of a lack of trust, friendships are lost if they are not bounded by the strong threads of trust.

Lots of times, we end up being stuck with someone whom we love a lot but we arent able to trust that person. We are always worried, insecure about the future. But we dont want to break away also... bcoz the feelings that u have are really very strong and u cant even imagine a single day without that person.

So i have a question for all of u, "What do we do when we arent able to trust the person we love a lot.. ??" , pls do give me ur views on this..

Waiting for ur replies!

adieu

The funniest thing in life is that it never goes the way u plan it…. No use trying to organize or discuss bcoz the only thing in our life that remains constant is surprises… yeah it may sound really stupid to a person having a 9 to 5 job...n slogging his ass over somebody else’s work… I believe that each day v get a chance to change the course of our life…everyday a moment passes by which if v care to notice n ponder upon may turn our life upside down… hmmm… it may sound pretty optimistic… but trust me opportunities knocks our door each day… its just that vr too busy behind our closed doors that v don’t bother about the new miracles that cud happen to us.

I wonder if u have read the famous book “who moved my cheese??”...well if u haven’t… let me summarise it for u… some of us are too safe n secure being where we are… we think that no matter wat happens our present life will remain the way it is… for example if ur in a job… once ur settled n ur getting a comfy salary… u start relaxing… u think that this is gonna last forever but nothing lasts forever… the point is that we should not just accept change but also c the bright sides of it. Having a heartbreak gives u the opportunity to realize wat ur real emotional needs are, loosing a job makes u realize which direction ur career is shifting… every situation is an opportunity of growth… I guess every management guru says that... but it also depends on our perspective.

Mourning over something, which is already lost, is the worst type of time waste… I knw that it really hurts when things don’t turn out the way u expect them to… when ur dreams come down with a crash n all ur left is with memories of the good n the bad times… but life has much to offer… n I m a firm believer in destiny… I realize that everything happens for the good…bcoz every single thing has its reasons...

A month ago I was very upset…I had not been able to match my expectations n on the other hand I had lost that one person I really cared about. I clinged on to my past… I just dint wanna let go… even though new things n new people were waiting for me on the other side. Then I cudnt take it any more… bcoz it was too tuff to live with so much of hopelessness… Suddenly as if to wake me from my depression… a flash of lightening struck me… I realized that I was been given opportunities to prove myself n I had succeeded in most of them… I was happy with myself after a looooonnnggg time. Slowly I also realized that there were many people who truly cared for me… that they really wanted to see me happy and be there for me. Even though the wounds haven’t yet healed properly n also sometimes I m haunted by my own imperfections but I realized one thing that had I not fallen the first time… I wud have never pushed myself the next time… I wud have just been stagnant… n secondly had I not lost that one person in my life… I wud have never been able to realize the importance of other people in my life whom I had taken for granted.

I have written a lot…  but in the end… remember, “Every curse has a hidden blessing”!

well.. m writing this blog... n my eyes are brimming with tears...today a part of me has been buried... has died...n i m mourning... u may wonder wat has happened... but alas.. even if i tell u... it wont be worth it... yes.. this is another heartbroken victim... weird... i never thot my heart cud break.. bcoz after all... m the practical one.. the one who moves on.. the one who never looks back.. n today.. m blown.. a part of me has died... n i cant revive it... not bcoz i lost my love.. but bcoz i lost my best frend too... adit n me had met around 3 years back.... it had been a total roller coaster ride.. he was a serious kinda guy... n me.. i was a total freak... always upto some stupidity... he sobered me.. he was the first guy i ever really cared abt .... he taught me the meaning of love.. n mind u.. we werent the average bf or gf... he used to hate that tag... it was funny... that when every relationship breaks in a matter of months... our relationship lasted around 3 yrs..

He used to tease me a lot... n yet he taught me a lot... he introduced me to spirituality... he made me realise that world is more than just wat i percieve it to be... frends told us that v oughta call them on our wedding..!!! hahaha... n today i stand all alone...wondering whether is he going thru the same pain that i am feeling... i knw he will miss me... bcoz the feelings we shared were too strong to break so easily...

We didnt break up bcoz v were bored of each other... neither did v break up bcoz v found some other love... no... v broke up bcoz...v  both wanted to fly.. n one of us lost faith... when v loose faith in ourselves... v not only damage ourselves.. but v hurt the ppl close to us... v both will care for each other as long as v live.. n i know that... but today i cry... bcoz i lost my best friend... he was n will remain my best frend...

I dont really care if this is puppy love.. it changed me... maybe.. in future.. i will get over him.... i dont need advice on how to get over him.... bcoz...time heals all wounds... n i knw that...  but wherever he is... i wish him all the best... n that he will always remain the first guy i ever loved...

Adios....

Well all of us at one time have been involved in a relationship with a “special” person… we all have our own definitions of love… but all of us understand that love is an enigma…. It cannot be defined or placed in words… it makes u cry n laugh… it makes u insane… All of us have had atleast some experience of writing a love letter… in my case I used to sneak n read my friend’s letters… silly me…. But I guess I was younger n immature then… anyways leaving my stupidness aside… Today I really want to share something, which I had never expected that I would share to anyone, but I believe that maybe someone might find it helpful… Anyways the letter below is something that I have picked up from the numerous forwards, which I usually get from friends who are too lazy to type a letter… Yeah but this one had a catch… send it to 10 people n your love life is ruined… man! If only I had a love life… don’t worry this stuff is not cursed… chek it out n no need to send it to anyone…

Dear Bryce,

How are you?? I believe that you are leading a wonderful life… free from all your tensions of the past. I can imagine that you may be so shocked to see a letter from me… after all you had thought that we had buried the past and now it has no reason to haunt you. Do you remember the time we had met??? It was around 7 years ago… I still giggle at the memories. You worked at my uncle’s law firm…. A charming, handsome assistant n I had just graduated… you had charmed me all over with your old worldly manners and we had ended up meeting each other quite frequently… Our friendship was too quick… almost as if it had been carefully planned and methodically thought of… So anyways as the saying goes… love is blind… n here I was madly in love with you in a matter of weeks!!! You had won my heart… n the day you told me that u loved me… it was like a feeling of ecstacy… a feeling had not known… but surprisingly it was sweet… it made me come alive.

Well you had left home and my uncle’s firm in search of a better job and I had become like an Arabic wife… waiting her husband’s return… I received frequent letters n a call now and then… I realized that you were happy in your new world… but I was a bit surprised that you never asked me to join… not once… I waited for an invitation… I waited for 2 years… but the invitation never came… I realized that you had found someone new… someone far better and beautiful so I resigned myself to my fate…. My uncle brought home many suitable suitors… and a perfect one was chosen for me… I didn’t want to marry but there was no use fighting… after all, the one person I really loved… wasn’t bothered about me… so why should I? I was silly, young n foolish but anyways… I called you and I told u…”Bryce I am getting married in few weeks…”. I heard your voice… there was firstly a painful silence… and then u spoke “I am so happy for u… may you get every happiness in the world”. Not even now, you stopped me… it was as if the memories we shared had never happened; as if our love had never existed… it was just wiped off in a second. I was too proud to mention my love and I guess you were too preoccupied to mention yours.

Years passed and I lost touch with you. I heard that you had finally married and had settled into a luxurious life of your own. I never forgave you but I want to know Bryce… I want to know why did you do this?? Was I just a toy?? I have enclosed my address and I expect a reply… you may wonder y that after so many years I ask you for an explanation… becoz bryce… I am on my deathbed… and I don’t want to leave this world without knowing the truth.

Susan,

Well guys, that’s the letter… Guess wat.. Susan never got her reply and it is said that the last word she said on her deathbed was”Bryce”. Well Bryce didn’t get the letter either… he had died of lung cancer a year later after Susan got married… You see, his end was approaching and that was the reason he had never asked Susan to marry him… he loved her too much to let her go through the pain… The rumours that he was happily married that Susan had heard… had been Bryce’s last request to his friends… He did not want Susan to know anything about his death… He wanted to let her believe that he had never loved her… bcoz the truth would have hurt her more than the lie did. Ironically even Susan died of lung cancer.

So well I guess this story may be true or maybe imaginative… maybe Bryce and Susan existed or maybe they were just mere passing thoughts but I do hope it touched your heart as it touched mine.

Well this is a story of a small town girl whose parents shifted into a huge city. The girl’s name was Lekha. So Lekha had recently shifted to a wonderful huge city.This city had everything n still the people in the city were never satisfied. She realized that the people in the city were always on the run unlike the ones in her small town. Before shifting in the city, she used to stay with her grandparents in a small town where everyone knew everyone’s name. Anyways, moving on with the story… So Lekha’s mum encouraged her to go out n play but Lekha was very shy. After about a week, her father’s boss & his family came for dinner in their house. He had two daughters named Kajal n Tanya. Kajal was quite overweight n had the airs n graces of someone who had seen everything though she was barely 2-3 years older than Lekha.

So it was Kajal who finally coaxed Lekha to come out of her shell n join the rest of the girls in the neighbourhood.

So the first day Lekha met them turned out to be a disaster… She did not have a good English accent n all the girls were conversing quite freely in English so even she tried… n it was quite sad becoz her efforts were pathetic So the girls started giggling at her.. When lekha returned home, she was in tears n narrated the incident to her mother. Her mother- Mrs lilavati was a very strong woman… she had learned to face troubles the hard way.. so when confronted with her daughter’s problem.. the only advice she gave was “ Lekha.. ur my daughter n I wont let u just crumble down like this… be confident with wat ur.. someday these girls will understand… but its no use wasting ur tears.”

Anyways the day never came when the girls “understood”.. all the more it kept getting worse.. n worse.. every night lekha would cry in her bed. But if asked that y don’t u leave these girls, her answers wud remain the same “ If I leave them then I will have no one to play with.. n I don’t want to be lonely”. Mrs lilavati didn’t interfere becoz she wanted her daughter to realize that everything in the world has its price though it broke her heart to c her little girl in so much of pain n anguish. Every evening, Lekha wud go to visit her friends with a renewed hope.. but they wud do everything in their power to crush her n make her realize that she wasn’t really worth being their friend but lekha persisted knowing that someday they would break…

Soon.. a little change was observed… Lekha to keep up with her frends had started watching MTV n had started reading a lot of books… She was slowly able to improve her writing…her accent improved… but her self-esteem did not… So as to ward off her sad thoughts.. she started devouring all types of books… at the age where girls only seem to read Nancy Drew n Hardy Boys, She had already read all the English classics n had started advancing upon authors like Rabindranath Tagore and had even the guts to try a book by Sidney Sheldon.. Her accent changed considerably n in school, she started writing small speeches n all her compositions showed real promise.

And so the wheels of time changed… n everything changed… Lekha had reached the last of her schooling year.. n then it happened. Her friends esp the leader of the group- Christina didn’t really like the fact that Lekha had actually overtaken her in many aspects. While Lekha had spent her time trying to hone her skills, Christina had spent that time wandering off with unknown boys n spoiling her academic results. So finally the BIG FIGHT happened…. It was over a small thing but all the feelings of humiliation which were bottled up inside kept bubbling out of Lekha’s mouth. And in a flash everything was over… her so-called friendship had finally been broken.

During the farewell from her school, Lekha was crowned “Miss twelthie” and it was like a cindrella’s day for her. But while being crowned, she had been asked to answer a couple of questions n when she had answered them… one of the member of the jury had promptly gotten up n asked her,” N so lady what kind of books do u read??? Bcoz I honestly love the way u speak”.

Hahaha…. N she had laughed…

So I guess its been a long story.. but there is something which I wanted to say… Lekha isn’t a fragment of imagination… she is real n she exists in me… You might wonder why have I written this story… bcoz I want people to know that they shouldn’t ever take any sort of humiliation from anyone… n remember ur critics are ur best friend bcoz after all they are the ones who push you to put ur best.

I realised today.. how badly i want something which doesnt belong to me.. I dont have any bloody right to try to steal it or force it to come to me.. but it hurts real bad.. bcoz i hardly want much frm my life.. but the one stuff which i want is the one which is forbidden.. wow typical human nature.. to crave for something which is impossible to achieve.. i have tried by hook or by crook.. but now i realise its unfair.. n that i shud give up the idea of ever fulfilling this impossible dream.. bcoz the consequences of my dreams are not good.. will only end up making a huge mess..

I guess its always right to give up something which is not urs n which will only do harm..............................................................................................

i have noooooooooo.. n absolutely no idea what rave parties are... but yeah m sure of one thing... my parents are glad that i dont!! haha. Ok so recently heard the news about some (well.. many to be precise) crazy youngersters did a wild thing.. n got high on drugs.. wow what a perfect party.. so pls temme who all want to attend these parties.. i swear i will shoot them myself!!.. k so mez aggressive.. mez angry.. n mez really bugged..

Well when saw those youngsters on tv.. the first thot that crossed my mind was wat must be the state of their parents. You know whenever we make such mistakes.. its always blamed on our parents.. that they dint give right values.. n this is unfair.. its downright unfair.. i m not saying that our parents are the best... yeah they do sometimes embarrass us.. they dont understand us.. (well.. that happens everytime!!).. but u knw wat.. the mistakes that v make are our own...

Well coming back to the rave parties..i live in goa.. oh yes.. goa.. the place of parties, beaches, drugs.. n yeah women.. u have everything in goa.. every distraction u cud think of..so m quite aware of atleast some stuff that happens in these so called big cities.. u knw what.. i dont blame the kids.. nor their parents.. n i am still trying to find out who is it to blame... the kids cant be blamed bcoz half the time they do it bcoz they dunno anything abt it.. n then they get addicted... n the parents are the ones who put in their best but in vain...

I feel sorry for the people who have spoiled their lives... god gives us one life.. n every moment including the one in which ur reading this is a magical moment.. n oh its not philosophy.. trust me its true... everything around us can change.. even v can.. wat is required is the right perspective.. i know it sounds tooooo far fetched.. but i m scared.. m scared bcoz the present is degrading its future every single second n the past is watching ... just watching....

Recently a news report came up.. I believe all most all of u must have seen it or read it. Yes I am toking abt the noida case.. the girls and those cruel brutes. I have tears in my eyes. I know that this storm will pass over, people will forget abt it and maybe the persons accused may get a jail sentence or death penalty but what is more sickening is that the persons accused will never ever fully understand the pain and turmoil caused by them. I hear gurus saying that whatever happens, happens for good.. but now I wanna ask them.. that what was good in this??? lets face it.. what happened to those girls.. was it good?? Why cant I change the world?? Why cant I make people realize that life is a miracle.. pls don’t .. don’t destroy it. Life is very precious…I must learn to accept hard facts.. must learn that this world has a set of rules which we shud follow.. the person who doesn’t follow them is insane.. but u knw wat?? I had rather be termed as insane rather than trying to become the puppets of these mindless habits.

well there are some books which u love..some u hate.. n some u read for fun. But once there comes a book which teaches u to love.. n to cry.. it moves u..I am an avid reader.. n i love reading like anything.. i can stay up till 2 am in the morning to finish a book. So.. i finally put my hands on paulo coelho's by the river piedra, i sat down and wept. I cried when i finished that book.. not bcoz it has a sad ending.. but bcoz.. it really moved me.. it made me realise the strength of love n of bondage. I havent been the same since i have read it. I .. its unexplainable.. undefinable.. i.. wish.. i could be able to potray the feelings that i had when i read the book.. n the emotions that shook me.

I hate soppy love stories.. in which the guy proposes the girl.. the girl says no.. n in the end falls in love with him.. a typical mills n boons. I prefer stories which show emotions like love..with a lot of grace.. and paulo coelho's book does that.

It made me realise the purity of love.. n of how much strength it requires to accept and show love. If anyone who really wants to love.. pls read that book.. you may hate it.. or not like it.. or find it boring.. but u will surely feel atleast something.

Do send me a post if someone reads it.

adios

Well exams are ended and I am finally able to write a blog!!! Actually I had thought that I would share a story, which I have written, but I haven’t completed it.

Today I learnt a huge lesson & I just hope I remember it all my life.

A friend of mine has a very low self-esteem; no matter how much we try but v just cant get her to love herself. Anyways, today a professor screamed at her even though it wasn’t her fault (doesn’t that always happen to all of us??!!) Well as usual, she didn’t try explaining stuff and came mourning to me. Since I am the only person who really listens so… she started off ranting that why does everyone hate me so much and that why cant I ever do anything right. Well, I was very angry at that point because I hate people who don’t stick up for themselves and expect others to fight for them. Anyways, I blasted off… totally.. n when I blast.. well.. lets say.. u wud prefer a nuclear bomb. Actually I had been trying to tell her this for a long time but now it really disgusted me that after all this time, she had still the same old silly problems. So I said… that “y the bloody hell do u care about what others think. I don’t understand y ur so sorry for urself. I believe that the professor was right in screaming at u bcoz u just have no guts to stand up for urself.”

Well I said all that and I stormed off, had I turned around, I knew I would have seen tears in her eyes becoz now according to her even I had ditched her. I was brooding the whole day, becoz I realized that I shouldn’t have screamed at her like that. Anyways, a week went and I didn’t speak to her and neither did I bother asking whether she ever cleared the misunderstanding with the professor. Well, finally my conscience wouldn’t let me sit still and I mustered the courage to utter the word “Sorry”. I told her, that “ I am really sorry. I have no right to tell you how to live ur life.” Well then she smiled and told me that she had finally spoken to the professor. I also realized that the reason she was always so low was because of her family probs and at that moment I felt really hurt with myself.

We have absolutely no right to tell anyone how to lead their lives. If we ever want to convey something, there are two ways of saying it, either you scream and make urself heard or you be calm and patient and say it in a way that is firm but also not bossy. I just hope I remember this. Actually, I guess I never understood as to y people not have faith on themselves. Y are people either so over confident or not confident at all. I guess even I fall in one of these categories but the fact is that if u dont have faith in urself then who else will have faith in u?? After all… if u don’t love urself then how can u expect others to love u???